hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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