why didn't you poke me back
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
