I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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