i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
