My first STD was from a foam party
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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