Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
