after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
