Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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