you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
