The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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