next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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