Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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