I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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