connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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