i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
