you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
