i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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