...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
