R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
