Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
