well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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