O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
