dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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