well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
