what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
