just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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