question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize