R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
