does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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