we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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