I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
