My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
