Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
