This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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