I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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