i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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