And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
