just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is wine microwaveable?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
