I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
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On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
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Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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