That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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