He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
