So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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