Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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