im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
