I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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