My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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