marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
