my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When are your genitals available?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize