Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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