1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
