oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
