At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
