I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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