he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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