Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
