Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
