i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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