She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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