I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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