Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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