I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
