I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
