i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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