I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize