So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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