Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
