Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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