i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
