I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
