You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We had sex on a dog bed..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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